Ever have someone tell you they think you’d be a really good writer? Yes I have. You might be thinking it right now as you read this. You might be wishing you could tell me yourself how good of a writer you are. But you are not, so you can’t. Some tips on how to write more good.
· Purchase and operate a manual transmission vehicle
· Practice internalizing your thoughts throughout the day when the loved ones in your life vomit asinine advice on your face. This will give supply you with ample animosity to fuel your writing.
· Try to consistently operate in a state of high awareness. Something that can easily be obtained from driving a manual transmission vehicle.
· Let your fingers do the thinking. You don’t have any good ideas.
· Never ever proof read what you write. Don’t be a pussy.
· Read as much pornographic literature as you can. If you need an explanation why this is important give up right now, you do not have a high enough level of insight into the human condition to be a writer.
· Don’t worry about grammar, sentence structure, spelling or any of that gay shit. Stuff like that is for academia solely. Useless propaganda created to filter truth out of writing.
·
· Read between the lines.
· Don’t ever buy into the hype.
· Read through an entire dictionary and thesaurus while under the influence of a nearly lethal dose of OTC cough medicine.
· Stop listening to shitty music and get with the program.
· Enroll at whatever the nearest institute of higher education is to you right now. Major in Philosophy, switch to English, half way through, take a year off to find yourself, then go back and get a degree in radiography because you need money fast to pay off the massive debt you accrued from being a jack ass for the past year.
The list above will give you a good start on your road to poverty and failure as a writer. You can. You can achieve this. You will show them. You know what you are talking about. The road to success is paved by the bodies of the incompetent.
No comments:
Post a Comment