Thursday, August 18, 2011

how to travel

When taking a road trip It is important to remember that you have absolutely no ties to anyone anymore. That is once you’ve hit the road. All types and forms of responsibility are now nonexistent. When this philosophy of travel is taken it yields unending paths for you to waste your time (life) on. Feel free to stop anywhere at any time. Remember no one will ever know what you do while on the road. Let go. Let go folks. Let go of your previously held beliefs about your sexual orientation. Go a step further even. And release all ideas that you have decided to invent about sexual morals and values. What I’m saying here is don’t pass by any opportunity that may yield in you getting your rocks off. Whether it be by clitoral, vaginal, penile, or prostatel stimulation. Open yourself (asshole (wheelhouse) ) up to new experiences (objects (spiritual experiences) ). Enjoy yourself. If you drive a manual transmissioned vehicle your already halfway there. Or if you recently received a car from your mom via your grandfather because all of your previous attempts at purchasing a car on your own have failed, even though for a 28 yr. old or something and should be well able to do that type of shit by yourself, probably should have read something along the lines of how to succeed in life OR REALLY - how to gain a strong inner core,then you need to soil the fuck out of that car already. Physically and spiritually soil it. Soil your pants that will get you started. Used a gear shifter to get you moving  ;). Make sure to stop at only the seediest rest stops. Spend at least 2 hours in the bathroom. Stand in the back stall with the door open and your pants down. This will help you meet new friends. Remember to take as much time possible getting to your destination. Feel free to back track. Realize you have forgotten the quap of yerba mate your friend requested you bring back and turn yourself around and go fucking get it! If you forget that shit he will be pissed! Look for all opportunity’s to get side tracked and waste time. If you are in the position where you can take this much time off of your “job” then you most likely have already developed the very specific skill set (lack of) that is useful in doing this. When you get to your destination make sure you your rats are not dead (who Is feeding them right now?) Then hang out with your friends and be all glowy from having experienced numerous new sexual/spiritual experiences while one the road. Rub this in there mundane faces. They will not care but maybe act interested if you catch them after they come home from one of their cult meetings.  Then go back to your 11-2 job 4 days a week.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Making decisions

Folks making decisions can be hard. We all know this. E.g.
           Drinking the suggested amount of OTC cough syrup or the entire bottle 
           Taking a blow J from the random bro offering it to you while you walk down the street to go use the free computers at the community center 
            Buying the first car you find on the car version of or shopping around for a more sensible less whorish of a car. But you do feel a connection to anything prostitutish don’t you?
            Adopting nearly every pet people offer up to the ether or realizing that maybe it isn’t a good idea to have 23 various animals living in your 1bdrm apt 
              Staying up till 2 hours before you need to shove hotdogs up the mouths of the faces of the public who look up at you eagerly like the girl in HS who was just way to sexually charged for that small town, which is full of losers and baby she’s pulling out to win, as she looks longingly up to the cold eyes of the sofla db paying her 500 bucks to star in her first feature film. Or going to bed at a reasonable time 

             Being a homeless drunk pig or reading readily available life transforming web lit.

There are formulas available in making these critical decisions

        Thinking that you are thinking critically and subjectively while in fact you are entire wrapped up in self so far that you’re blinded to the fact that continuing this process will eventually  lead you to make a decisions such as the first example above.

         Thinking about these decisions while lying in your bed at night, make sure your not really giving these decisions all of your attention. Fade in and out of consciousness. Veer way off track with thoughts about butts

        Asking these guys

 if you take nothing else from the deep insite presented here please take head to the final sugestion

Loose your self entirely in articles about ALBUMS which contain songs

Thursday, June 16, 2011


     What happened to that guy who was all excited about driving stick shift? (THIS GUY)Did his shift run out? Or are you still sodomizing yourself with that oiled up gear shifter of yours? Ok would like to show exactly what happens when you start watching your waist band and stop watching the faces of your friends grow old and hairy. This is “How to not be an idiot by writing idiot things about your money (cum) guzzling car and get back in the sack with that hot chick from 2A."

  • First eat some fruit this will give you sustenance, further more when people see you eating this fruit they will think you know what you’re doing. This is key if we want to achieve the goal.

  • 2nd tattoo the c word (even isn’t going to print that) on/into your inner lower lip (sic). This will confuse the fuck out of people. Those gawkers of life who are rarely phased will be totally at loss for words. This is good. Catch em off guard. Then you can sneak in there and really show em what’s cooking.
  • 3rdly go hamster
  • 4th know exactly what you’re doing. (How to achieve this) This will lead you to utter failure, humiliation, depravation, and near insanity. It’s a good thing; this will set you up for a significant psychic change to enable you to fuck with them in a real meaningful way. Fucking c word!!

  • FIFTH graders

  • Sixth link to funny blogs that you think are funny sometimes. This will generate steam for your blog somehow. Networking bitched!
  • 7 run it up the flag pole of your ass and see whose prostate it stimulates enough to achieve success in the business world
  1. 8 at these business mtgs before the mtgs read some proof positive literature on how to get your shit together. If not it’s going to be a big latent sexual desire springing mess.(HOW TO!)
  • 9 drink MASSIVE amounts of OTC Cough Syrup this year of high school. It is a wasteful year and depressing time. You won’t want to be around for this.
  • 10 further more as soon as one sensed or tastes the onset of puberty begin step 9, some things, just
Should this be published on the world wide double you. You decide. This is about you. It better not be if you want to make it. If you want to make past that next bottles of OTC dextromethorphan you pass. Put that syrup on your pancakes.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Writing On The Wall

The font I’m using to type this is called “Calibri”. I bet someone from out California way gave it that name. The land of fruits and nuts I tell you. It’s so stupid how people from California say bro all the time. They would probably suggest that this font should then be called CaliBRO, cus that’s where the best bros come from. Just saying. Well, writing. Let’s be honest here. Writing with electronic ink by the way, which brings me to my main point. Don’t stick your pen in company ink, wise doers. Not wise at all! Here’s what happens: Everyone and their Grandmother gets to see the writing on the wall. In this case, the ink was semen from a sobriety penis. It usually shoots out messages in the form of fortune cookies, right out of the snake eye. But this isn’t craps, snake eyes are no good here folks. This is just pure crap. No “s” on the end of it. Never heard of anyone going to take a craps, have you? “Hey Mark, I gotta go take a shits now.” Singular not plural. Not to be confused with Maths, the effective educational tool for helping youngsters with numbers. Even numbers can show it’s important to wear a condom over your sobriety penis. It helps prevent against spiritually transmitted diseases. Especially helpful if you’re the primary penetrator. In this case multiple penises were used to penetrate. So the odds of a disease we’re minimized to some degree. Diseases were running rampant, Down syndrome, turrets, epilepsy. Very hard to keep a condom on when you’re flopping around like a fish. These are very horrible diseases. They are also very contagious.

Another consequence of sexual relations between coworkers is the awkwardness that follows. Wanna stick your ball point in that cup of ink? I suggest you get some Febreeze because you’ll need to be prepared to air out some jizz-stained laundry. Nothing like the look on the face of your coworkers as they start to get a wiff of those crusty yellow boxer briefs you’ve been wearing for 2 days. You hamster, you. My advice, don’t wear underwear. No evidence to leave behind. Especially if said sexual encounter takes place at the job site.

There’s certainly going to be no romance or candlelight dinners there, just roast beef. Very rare to find some that isn’t pink. But if it’s discolored, or smells like tuna and cheese, run! This is not boar’s head. Quit your job. You won’t want anyone seeing your face at that place again. You can always make hot dogs or sell meat door to door.

Check ID>. Very important. 15 can get you 20. Your coworkers may look real young. I’ve got news for you, they probably are. 3rd graders want stuff too. Can’t really blame them. Another sign your coworker may not be of legal age to bang, a Justin Beiber lunch box. Besides your scrotum, pay attention to what they’re eating.

Last but not least: competition. Others have probably written on this wall. You just can’t see it as the ink will appear invisible to you. Your coworkers will probably have gotten away with writing on the wall numerous times but will read your writing and call you a pimp. They’ll gossip about you. Tell other coworkers about your extremely small penis size. For these reasons and many more, it is suggested that the parking lot is not a good location for erotic encounters. One might suggest getting in your manual transmission automobile and driving to the closest Dunkin Donuts. The bathroom there is ideal. The door has a lock on it, and every encounter ends with a happy ending; donuts.

I hope this information was useful to you and your fellows. In times of peace and times of war may this be a lesson to you. Unless you’re the one signing the checks, try not to stick your pen in the company ink.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

How To: Win Friends and Influence People

Hey you! Yeah you: the loser. Stop looking around I mean you reading this right now. Dumbass. I used to be just like you; sitting alone on a seminal fluid-stained chair, genitals sore and spent, eyes puffy and red from crying tears of shame, and reading the opinion of some jackass on the Internet for lack of anything better to do. Well this is your lucky day, bud. If you follow the advice I’m about to lay out for you it will turn your entire life around. That painful genital irritation will no longer be self-inflicted. Your tears will be tears of joy, or maybe regret, but never again will there be shame. You will have a social life, a fellowship of friends and acquaintances will spring up about you. And they will all clamor for your attention and affection as they will know in their heart of hearts that you are better than they could ever be.

Self-help gurus that are educated stupid will tell you that you can never truly love another until you learn to love yourself. That’s garbage. Forget I even mentioned it. But it is certainly true that you can never dominate others with your superiority until you are assured in yourself that you have it. You can’t transmit something you don’t know you have. Self-help gurus will tell you to stand in front of the mirror and repeat positive affirmations to build your self-esteem. That’s great if you want to affirm what a pussy you are, but you already know you’re a pussy. That’s why you cry yourself to sleep at night. You need to become a dominate Alpha Male. Real men don’t think. They don’t talk. They take action.

The first action is, of course, to drive a manual transmission vehicle. ( If you’re not already doing that by this point you might as well just kill yourself now, as you’re probably beyond hope. Remember to cut up the road, not across the street. Becoming one with a highly tuned performance machine will go a long way toward giving you the spiritual awakening you need. Once you know you can skillfully make love to thousands of pounds of steel, that fat chick in the corner will be a cakewalk.

Next you must develop a healthy disdain for humanity. If you care for others or what their opinion of you is then you are vulnerable. It’s a jungle out there, and if you try to go out into the world with a thin skin you’ll get taken down faster than a three-legged gazelle by the lions of social inequity.

Drive your stick shift to the nearest high school party, no matter your age. Pull up on the lawn so all can see that you know what life is about. Go inside, grab a chair, and face it towards a wall. Sit and stare at the wall for at least two hours. You will probably either be ignored or asked to leave. There. You just proved to yourself that society is worthless and unworthy of your greatness. Now you can attack it with a vengeance.

Go to your friendly neighborhood mental hospital and enroll in their outpatient program. Make sure not to let them see your true self or they will commit you to inpatient, which will defeat the purpose of this exercise. Play nice. In this program you’ll find a lot of subhuman trash - people talking to themselves, obese elderly women covered in drool and other bodily fluids, even therapists. But there will be at least one, and possibly three or more fuckable women. They will be a little worse for the wear. Their minds will be broken. But their self-esteem will be low, so they will be easy to have sex with. Tell them they’re pretty, or that you love them, or that your penis cures cancer. Get them alone, make them take a bath, then fornicate furiously. Nothing breeds success like success, and once all the women out there see that you can get laid without paying for it, they will want to ride your gravy train.

Now it’s time to kick it up a notch. Find a support group. It is better if you don’t suffer from the problem the group is addressing. You could go to one for gamblers, or grief, or if you’re desperate you could even slum it with the losers in AA. But wherever you decide to go, go there, and bring your newfound attitude of superiority and success with you. Let them know that you know that they know that you are better than them. Then they will feel OK submitting to your superior will. Let them know you are a genius. Let them know how to live. They will thank you for it. Afterwards they will probably go out for coffee or something ridiculous like that. Go with them. Be smug and above the fray. Be awesome.
Congratulations! You now have friends and a social life. You’re welcome.